Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to make it up as we go along. But relationships need much more conscious planning in order to be successful. In a hectic and throwaway culture, couples need a vision for their relationship. What is a relationship vision? Just what is a relationship vision? It's a deliberate design for your relationship: what you're willing to give and what you would like to receive. Designing a relationship vision involves asking questions such as ``If we knew we couldn't fail, how would we like this relationship to be?'' and ``If we could have it any way we wanted it, how would it be?'' These are simply questions to get you started in designing your relationship. Let's take a look at five practical steps to creating a relationship vision and use an example from a couple I'll call Bob and Mary. Step 1: Decide on an area of the relationship you would like to design and improve. Bob and Mary say they want to spend more time together despite busy schedules and two children. Step 2: Brainstorm for ways you can achieve your shared goal. Be creative; no idea is too silly or impossible at this stage. For our couple, it might be that one or both quit their jobs and run off to an island, or start their own business, or meet for lunch a few times a week. Step 3: Choose two or three of the ideas that will send you in the direction you want to go. Bob and Mary chose meeting for lunch. Step 4: Assign tasks to each partner including a deadline. Bob and Mary agreed that they would both clear the schedules and honor their lunch meetings as they would other business appointments. Bob would have to go to work earlier on the days he met his wife for lunch. Step 5: Follow through. No matter how good your intentions, both partners must honor their commitment to each other. Their lunches give Bob and Mary time together without the children and provide them both with relief from the stress of the work week. What Bob and Mary did may not work for you. Simply find what does work for you and remember to ask, What would if be like if ...? |
