A couple of weeks ago Julie and I were shopping in a supermarket on the other side of the island when we heard; "How great to hear a couple of English voices". It was Bill and Sally newly arrived from the UK. We had a chat and after a while invited them to come around for coffee.

The essence of their visit is, they have sold their home in the UK and have been living in holiday accommodation for a couple of months and are looking for somewhere permanent to live. We took them around the area where we live, explained the benefits and deficits, as we see them, and showed them what was on offer. A couple of days later Sally asked Julie to contact some of the local landlords and set up some appointments for Sally and Bill to view apartments.

A day or so later Julie 'phoned Sally and said that she had arranged viewing as agreed and was met with "Ah! We met another English couple a couple of days ago, in another part of the island, and well, we are keeping our options open at the moment". Keeping our options open is obviously short hand for I am not going to do anything. I am not going to make a decision here. I am frightened that if I make a decision I will miss something better, sometime, somewhere. In our world keeping your options open is another way of saying I don't know what I want. I want to be persuaded by others. I am frightened to take control of my life.

Compare this with Mike and Nick a couple of guys who own a local restaurant. They came here about four years ago with the intention of opening a restaurant and limited capital. However, that didn't stop them. They found the site and negotiated the rent and bought all the equipment they needed. But found they didn't have enough money left to rent an apartment. So what did they do? They slept in the back of the restaurant after it was closed. They did this for six months until they had enough money to rent an apartment.

This year, they changed location to a prime spot overlooking the harbour with a terrace for extra seating.

They came with a dream, realised only they could make it happen. Worked hard and kept focussed. The result; A successful business. Who are you like? Do you follow the footsteps of Bill and Sally and keep your options open. Or are you a Mike and Nick who know what they want and get on with it even though it may be difficult?

If you are a Bill or Sally and would like to change easily. You can. Just mix with the likes of Mike and Nick.

Recent research by Dr. Richard Restak, a neurosurgeon and popular science writer on the brain, has proven that we tend to mimic those we mix with. So that means if you mix with the Bill and Sally's then the chances are high that you will find yourself keeping your options open. Whereas if you mix with the Mike and Nick's of the world then you will develop a tendency to be goal oriented and determined to succeed.

In a nutshell Restak is saying whoever you spend time with will have a strong influence on how you behave. The skill is to identify the people you admire and make an effort to mix with them and avoid being around those who drain your energy and make you think negatively about yourself and others.

The bottom line is that your brain cannot tell the difference between the behaviour of people who you admire and people you dislike. The only arbiter is you. In other words if you don't want to be someone who is keeping their options open then get out of there and mix with people who are behaving like you want to behave.